Thursday, March 20, 2014

A Reader Writes About Versed

Here's another untouched letter from a reader and fellow Versed sufferer.
I continue to wonder at just WHY the medical establishment condones the use--or rather misuse and overuse--of Midazolam (Versed ) as is commonly done today?

There must be a good reason, right? Maybe it's just plain bad luck I had an awful experience. Perhaps in the big picture, Midazolam is really a Good Thing, but I just can't see it because it's over my head. I don't work in a hospital, so how can I really know what goes on from the other side's perspective? Or maybe I need to realize I am in fact just one of "those people" who are pains in the a*sses, crazies, over-sensitive types. It would be almost be a relief to believe one of the above statements as it could explain it all away. But no matter how open-minded or self-deprecating I try to be, common sense and logic get in the way and I continue to ask "Why?".

I understand one use of Versed can be to promote the intubation process (i.e. placing a breathing tube down your windpipe), supposedly along with other drugs, but that does not explain WHY they are giving it so early on in the pre-op process or why they so often misrepresent Versed's real effects to the patient. And yes, Midazolam is a money maker for sure, but so are other drugs. It's widely known that Versed is commonly used NOT FOR ANXIETY but for the convenience of the medical staff (being exceptionally fast-acting, etc.) And what about the many patients who unexpectedly did not suffer amnesia or full amnesia from Versed remembering not receiving adequate pain killers? Could that be it? They are spending on one drug to save on others? Even that terrible thought still seems to be not enough of a reason to explain the "why?".

The only overall answer that appears to makes sense is:

They say a certain amount of secrecy is necessary for doctors, nurses and medical students to do their jobs, to learn, etc.. That can be said for ANY organization, and does have some legitimacy--to a point. But how much secrecy is really necessary? And at what cost to the patients? And who is deciding ?

I am reminded of the horrors behind the secrecy of the Catholic Church. For decades, it was the perfect environment for abusive individuals to target, exploit and run rabid in as violations of their victims were more likely to be covered up than punished and protection for the vulnerable was virtually non-existent.

Who is protecting patients from potential abuses in hospitals? And can they really be objective? An environment such as this requires exceptional oversight to protect the vulnerable. We're talking about likely sick and already-suffering people, not about having your car serviced. There have to be alternatives.

The medical community has clearly overreached, to put it mildly, in terms of what they think they have a right to do to patients in the so-called name of expediency, research, etc. because of the cover offered by fine print buried in paperwork and drugs like Versed (and who knows what else). And we haven't even talked about what is done when you are fully unconscious, although some thoughts below overlap that as well.

As this blog has mentioned, Versed, and so secrecy, can and are used to help hide mistakes and also violations of ethics. This includes but is not limited to violations of patient privacy and dignity, both mind and body. HIPPA is a huge joke. I had no idea the following took place prior to my operation and I suspect most don't as well:

Most people do not know they may be being broadcast to remote locations to groups of people during their operations. Groups separate from the operating room, and of course the technical staff managing the video streaming, all have visual and likely audio access to the patient. And what is done with the recordings in the future? I have read that yes, faces are often recognizable, that the recordings may start very early (pre-op) and draping (or rather the lack of draping) is often ignored. OR TV, even when done right, should be opt-in only, not shrouded in secrecy and done without your knowledge.

They are not just "observers". That is a lie. Students are likely handling you and commonly penetrating your orifices (male or female), for practice, while you are unable to object. You are expected to forget, regardless. Horribly disturbing when you have been drugged and can't stop it and never knowingly consented to it. And of course outside of a hospital, this would be defined as rape.

Very possibly a high ranking administrative staff member could just pop by " to keep an eye on things", including you, half naked and talking under the influence of Versed (if not yet fully under), helpless to protest under the bright lights. This happened so often at one hospital the nurses finally got together to object, saying it violated patient privacy and the surgical field (sterilization). It didn't change much, unfortunately:
Or a doctor unrelated to your surgery, perhaps from another hospital, could stop in. Sadly, you may be helping to ensure someone's vacation is expensed as a business trip because even though they were not medically necessary, they entered your operating room without your consent.

Having had a bad experience, I know I cannot be completely objective, but I am trying hard to be fair regardless. I'm sure there are those that have not been lied to about Versed, even "love it", and/or had very caring, sensitive caregivers. I'm not out to demonize all of the hard-working, ethical, good-hearted doctors and nurses out there.

But my experience was not a good one. I wince when remembering my childlike trust prior to the operation. I feel nauseous remembering how they gave me Versed though I had said I did not feel anxious. I remember how puzzled I was noticing how social niceties stopped after they gave me the Versed, having no idea what it would do to me. I remember the fear, terror, months of nightmares and more that came after Versed. While I may have moved on, I will never be the same.

Regardless of experiences, the issues around medical care noted need serious attention. Of course, people want to get their operations done, heal, move on and not think about what may have happened. Life is too short and all that. But stripping patients of their rights and violating their privacy should NOT be tolerated just because they signed a form consenting to have an operation.

An objective party needs to be in place to protect patients from abuses. For now, you can hire a patient advocate (not affiliated with a hospital). But in the larger picture medical establishment SOPs need to be reviewed and overseen by a truly objective third party to ensure patient safety, dignity and privacy.


Saturday, March 8, 2014

Nurse Joke

This is from an e-mail originating from a web page called and it's funny.  Most of us have had an encounter with a nurse like this...

Old Timer's Hospital Stay
This is an idea for when they put us in "the Home!" I was sick and in the hospital. There was one nurse that just drove me crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,  'And how are we doing this morning',  Or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry ?'

I had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bed side stand.  Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.  So you know where the juice went!  The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. 'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today.'

At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'

The nurse fainted.......... I just smiled.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

My Hope For Versed Pushers

I have a hope for all those nurses and doctors who routinely poison patients brains with Versed.  I hope each and every one of you gets Versed whether you want it or not.  (especially if you DON'T want it)  Further, I hope that you have a REALLY bad time with it.  I want you guys to experience the sleepless nights post Versed.  I want to share the rage, irritability and sense of foreboding that Versed produces in regular people.  I WANT you to be unable to perform your job because of trouble with your memory after Versed.  I want you to be paranoid about medical care.  I want your whole life curtailed because of the fear of doing something which will require medical intervention.  I want YOU to be on Lexapro.  In short, I want to share with you the brain damage caused by YOU!  I want your lizard brain ON FIRE!  I want you to suffer with the rest of us.

Medical people, don't deny yourself a fun trip with Versed just because of little ole me, talking trash about your drug.  Go ahead!  Pretend that it's all about "crazy" patients.  You aren't crazy now are you, so what possible harm could come to you by allowing Versed?  Don't let me or any of the other authors on this blog scare you.  YOU know what's best don't you?  So allow that Versed be used on you.  If it's good enough or "necessary" to use on us peasants, then why wouldn't it be a wonder drug for you?  It's a "good" drug, just ask any medical person.  Except for those of us who have a bad reaction.  Live a little, take a chance on Versed.

For you medical people who have had Versed and you say it was OK...try this.  Have your anesthesia provider give you lots more.  I think 10 mls instead of 2 would do the trick.  Especially if delivered all at once or within a tight time frame.  Ask them to sneak it into the IV without warning you.  If a little Versed is great, then more would be even better.  I think you should try the maximum amount like you give your lowly patients.  I want to encourage those of you with high IQ's in particular to get whopping doses of Versed.  Just think, if your "care giver" gives you enough Versed they won't have to use those dangerous pain killers.  You can just lie there in pain, trapped in a body which won't obey your commands.  Sedated into immobility.  Perhaps the incredible "stimulation" (pain) will keep your blood pressure up.  That's a good thing right?  After all,  you "probably" won't remember it, so it doesn't even matter how much pain you were in.

Don't you worry your little head about being unable to perform your duties after Versed.  Either from the emotional trauma or the chemically induced Alzheimer's.  Your field is set to go up in flames anyway because nobody can afford you.  Maybe you can drive a truck.

I want all the medical people in the world to subject themselves to Versed.  I hope it goes badly.

The bright lining is that once you have had the experience that *I* and others are complaining about, I will let you be a guest blogger right here on nomidazolam.  Won't that be fun?  You can write to me when you are obsessively hunting all over the internet for an explanation of your symptoms in the middle of the night, when you should be sleeping.

Monday, March 3, 2014

A Reader's Example

I got this in an e-mail today and am sharing it.  There are a lot of similarities to my experience (and maybe yours) with medical workers and their drug of choice Versed.  I have not altered it in any way...

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My first and only Versed Experience:

On surgery day, I was told that prior to general anesthesia, they would give me "something to relax you, like you had two Mai Tais.” He offered I could have it now, but I declined, saying I was OK, thanks to techniques I’d learned in a “preparing for surgery” meditation CD. I’d also already turned down an offer earlier. When the surgeon stopped in and asked if I was nervous, I said I was “surprisingly OK” and went on about the CD. My husband remarked at my “amazing calm”, saying he was proud of me. I decided then I would gift the CD to the nurses and doctors afterwards to help them and their patients.

Then there came the burning in my hand as the sedative entered my body before they rolled me out to go to the OR. I commented on feeling some vertigo. No one replied. I decided to just be quiet from now on so they could focus.

In OR, I experienced a bit of a rough landing onto the operating room table as someone let go of me too soon. This time, I was quite surprised no one said "sorry”, or anything at all, to me. I wondered who all the people were in the room. I wondered when they would finally put the mask on me so I could count and go to sleep. I looked around at all the stainless steel and high tech equipment, thinking "cool". Then my memory gets weird…and ultimately I am smack in the middle of a conversation with someone as I “wake up”….Then the surgeon comes over, beginning with “You probably won’t remember this…” and explicitly details the unexpected issues they came across. I am self-conscious as there aren’t even curtains around the patients in this room and I can see a male patient just a few feet away.

Finally in a different room with my husband, the surgeon begins to repeat what he already said and is surprised I remember. I feel very nauseous. We go home. Almost immediately I begin experiencing a bad/"off" feeling, strange memory "snippets", heart palpitations, unexplainable anxiety, and mixed up nightmares that have real aspects to them. Like of people handling me in a way that makes no sense, and then in real life finding a tape mark where they were touching me. I strongly felt that somehow I had NOT been asleep for some time. Relatives assured me that there was no way they would keep you awake somehow and not tell you.

I finally called the hospital, half thinking I was crazy. I asked for an OR nurse but ended up with the anesthesiologist. He told me that it was rare for someone to remember so much and that yes, people are generally kept awake for some time in OR. Most think they slept. Most like this. He added the drug keeps you in a “relaxed, chatty state” but you have no memories of what occurred. "Don't worry, people don't give away family secrets". I asked then wasn’t it conscious sedation? “We can't say that, it's a spectrum".

My medical notes later confirmed the drug was Versed. Interestingly, the notes also indicate the patient’s state was “anxious” pre-op. I went ahead and checked the blood pressure reading from that time—normal resting range. The higher end of the normal resting range, but not high. My husband said flat out "'Anxious' is a lie, I was there". So no, I did not gift the meditation CD to the nurses or doctors….I couldn’t even listen to it anymore as it emphasized trusting the medical staff. I did. Now I don’t. Never again.



Of special note is the "relaxed, CHATTY state".  So, what are you "chatting" about in your drug induced uninhibited state that an anesthesia provider would have to make an emphatic denial of?  I think you ARE giving away family secrets for the entertainment of staff.  Of course you are, why else would an anesthesia provider SPECIFY what you are NOT doing, if you are not doing it?  He's lying to his patient.

As far as the "two Mai Tais" how many people are suffering blackouts and dis inhibition from two Mai Tais?  This is yet another lie designed to hide the true nature of the drug.  Absolutely FALSE to compare a couple of mixed drinks with Versed.  Any rational adult would say there is no comparison.  Medical people on the other hand are using this as a subterfuge to complete their mission of destroying cognitive function for their own pleasure.  They know perfectly well that this description is untrue.

My crna came up with the false "diagnosis" of anxiety as well.  He was the only person of approximately EIGHTEEN (18) involved in my care who noticed this non existent "anxiety".  It's a big fat lie, perpetrated by medical people who want an EXCUSE to use this poison on us.  Want to bet that it says "anxiety" on every single person's chart?  Any takers on that?

This patient was treated roughly by uncaring staff once they thought she wouldn't remember.  It fits in nicely because Versed is also used to prevent the patient from knowing how badly they were treated.  It's an open invitation to abuse by staff.  What do they care?  They know they won't be called on the carpet for their callous abuse of the patient.