I think that part of having PTSD is an inability to move past the incident that caused it. After all these years the unconscionable assault by an anesthesia nurse is still fresh in my mind. The scene plays out endlessly, like watching a clip from a movie. The horror lives on. My brain has settled down from being poisoned now, so I am able to sleep. The obsessive brain activity has quieted, mostly...but the whole encounter is still just as fresh as it was in the days following the attack.
I still wonder how/why it happened. How did the person charged with my anesthesia view me? Why didn't he tell me that he was just a nurse before he tried his "dangerous" (his word) nerve block. Did he really think that I would have allowed a nurse to inject the nerves in my underarm and risk PERMANENT disability? Especially in light of the fact that he was trying to convince me to let him give me general anesthetic instead. It was certainly NEVER my intention to have a "dangerous" nerve block AND general anesthetic! What alternate universe was he in? Why would I allow a "dangerous" nerve block if I was to have general anesthetic? Did he deliberately perform the nerve block badly so that he would have an excuse to use g/a?
What on earth would possess such a nurse as to think I would welcome Versed? Did he think that I would be "happy" to wake up and find it was all over? Really? In light of my previous problems with anesthesia, he had to know that what he was plotting would be viewed very negatively by me. I warned him of same. Why would he do this even after I told him in no uncertain terms NOT to do this? He was acting strangely enough, threatening to give me g/a in the pre-op area, etc. that I was alarmed, (hence the WARNING not to try any funny business as I would not respond kindly) but felt that the "informed consent" laws would protect me. I was wrong. He called Versed "Vitamin V" which I called him on. He said it was simply a muscle relaxant. That is about as far from the truth as you can get. Why did he feel he should LIE to me?
I said NO, over and over again. When he asked me what he should do if the "dangerous" nerve block failed. That's right the NURSE who was posing as a doctor asked me how he should do his job. I explained that he could use a local anesthetic, like Novocaine or Procaine as an adjunct to the nerve block. Does that sound like "give me general anesthetic"? Not to me. I was very clear and adamant about the whole thing. Why didn't he mention a Bier block? Because HE had decided, independent of me, that he was going to force me into compliance with Versed and then proceed with general anesthetic. Both of which I had declined. What insane thought process goes into this? Why would he even ask me what *I* wanted done, if he had already decided to completely ignore my wishes?
If a patient declines any kind of drug which will incapacitate them, how does it happen that Versed is used? What kind of demonic entity would think, if a patient states categorically that an incapacitating drug is NOT to be used, shooting them up with Versed is just fine? I don't get it.
No matter how many times this particular film reel plays in my head, I still don't understand the assault. It is so far removed from anything that *I* would do/have done as to be incomprehensible to me. I just don't understand how a medical worker could decide unilaterally to defy the patient and every informed consent/consent to treat law that is on the books, especially for a non life threatening minor outpatient surgery. I TRUSTED these people to treat me fairly and with dignity, in compliance with the law. What I got was medical people riding roughshod right over me. AND TO A MAN/WOMAN THESE NURSES DEFEND THIS ACTION! My anesthesia was performed in a substandard and unlawful way. It was a blitz attack that I had no warning about. I did NOT deserve to be treated with such disrespect. Their treatment HARMED ME and caused PTSD. Do they care? Not one single bit. Instead they add fuel to the fire by insulting me and everybody else who takes exception to their arrogant and high-handed ways.
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