Versed and Ketamine ... TOGETHER

I don't know why these anesthesia providers would do this to patients.  They say it makes anesthetizing patients easier.  (for them)  That doesn't seem like a very good excuse to use two terrible drugs TOGETHER!   I hate to admit it, but this terrifies me.  When I think about somebody deliberately doing this to me it causes physical symptoms, heart pounding, sweaty palms, terror.  There are several parts to this affront that cause me emotional distress.

The number one problem with thinking about this Versed/Ketamine combo is that I know for a fact that someday I will need medical care, which eventually will lead to some kind of surgery.  Before my Versed debacle I only worried about MAJOR surgery which would involve general anesthetic.  I don't do well with g/a!  My body physically fights it.  I have heard this from 4 different doctors.  I heard it from the doctor who took my tonsils out.  He said I fought them every minute and that's why my surgery wasn't quite right and I had so many problems post surgery.  Depression followed.  Later on I had another surgery.  My doctor assured me that the tonsil thing was because I was such a young child.  Only it wasn't.  I fought him too!   Another substandard surgery, along with some nice blood poisoning.   I was depressed for months and my long thick hair fell out.  My broken femur?  I fought them too, even though I was in my thirties.  I developed rotational instability, so they tried it again.  Another wild ride for everybody and still the rotational instability. 

So the last time I had ORIF surgery on my femur, I begged the anesthesiologist (MDA) to just leave me awake.  So he did.  (HE wanted me awake as well, but didn't know how I would react to that suggestion!)  What a relief!  I stayed COMPLETELY awake.  My healing this time was far different from the last 2 times and no rotational instability.  No rough awakening, struggling in restrains.  No depression.  The bone growth was "exuberant" according to the surgeon.  Everybody was happy.  When I had all the screws, plates, femur nail and all taken out, I got the same expert anesthesia doctor and I stayed awake.  I also got an arthroscopic surgery on my knee at the same time.  All wide awake, mental faculties intact.  Easy and short time in the PACU.  No depression. 

Incredibly all these years later, anesthesia has taken a turn for the worse.  I truly believe it's the popularity of a brain disabling drug and the popularity of expensive nurses.  I got Versed and g/a for the STUPIDEST REASON!  Nobody needs Versed and general anesthetic for an ORIF distal radius!  That's just overkill!  If I can be awake for a twelve hour surgery on my femur, complete with a bone graft from my iliac crest, I can't believe that my crna would presume that I needed this kind of intervention for a minor wrist surgery!  Versed to gain compliance with amnesia to hide what really happened from the patient.  I know this is true, I didn't get amnesia and I heard all the lies.  Why didn't my crna listen to me when I recounted the above?

The Versed itself created an anxiety in me that unless you have experienced it, you won't understand.  This drug destabilized my whole personality.  It began the minute I discovered I had been drugged against my will, even though I had not signed a consent for it and had plainly declined it.  I was absolutely, completely, abjectly OBEDIENT!  I couldn't believe it!  I was OBEYING then, being COOPERATIVE with everything at the same time I was enraged that I was doing so.  I couldn't stop myself.  It was a Zombie NIGHTMARE, starring ME!  Not to mention all the "funny" things my crna was saying.  If you want some crna humor, go look at the nurse-anesthesia site for a glimpse at what I HEARD in the operating room.  The final insult was my crna saying, in writing, that I (finally!) gave permission for the general anesthetic in the OR by "not objecting."  Not by signing an informed consent before I got Versed...  No, I gave consent in the negative after being injected with Versed.  INSULTING!  FRIGHTENING!

I didn't know about the sorry state of informed consent these days.  Informed consent has morphed into a vague "hold harmless" agreement for the protection of the medical entities.    If they would drug me to the point I could barely move, and couldn't speak clearly, what else would they do?  (I found out...  anything they felt like doing, regardless of what *I* said they could or could not do)  That Versed, far from "calming" me made me off the charts anxious, and really really pissed.  I never signed off on any of it.  My alleged informed consent is on this blog and I defy you to find anything in it about Versed, general anesthetic, risks, benefits, identifying of medical staff, nothing but consent for a blood transfusion is specified.  The only spot in my chart about me declining sedation or g/a is in the nurse notes where she say "pt. is angry bc she had to have general anesthetic which she hoped to avoid."  WRONG!  I said "no", not that I just "hoped to avoid it."  BEFOREHAND!  Any reference to Versed is blatantly absent.  Anywhere.  Where's the part about the 4 femur surgeries on my chart?  ABSENT!  Where is the part about all those paradoxical reactions to anesthesia?  ABSENT!  Now why would a patient who is explaining why they are refusing sedation and general anesthetic leave out this information on prior surgeries?  They wouldn't.  It was deliberately and maliciously omitted by the crna.  Informed consent is a joke.

I hope that if medical people are reading this it's crystal clear that their drug of choice, Versed, doesn't work on me as expected, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE DRUGS!.  Now think of adding Ketamine to the mix.  The Versed only made it hard for me to move and off-the-chart anxious.  Ketamine causes HORRIBLE, freak out style, life changing hallucinations.  Are these crna's really suggesting that they might give me Versed AND Ketamine leaving me to have horrible nightmares that seem real, and just immobilize me with Versed.  Oh-my-God.  The feeling of dread that this creates is unbelievable.  Just thinking about ever getting Versed again is enough.  How will my brain survive not only another assault with Versed, but also Ketamine?  Will I survive the surgery, but be in a psych ward forever?  Who will pay for that?  What would happen to my daughter and my husband, if I'm incapacitated by frivolous drugs used for a crna's benefit, not mine?  I don't want a crna ever again, but medical people lie, and it's entirely possible.

So what do people like me do?  Never get any medical intervention and possibly die?  I have to die because medical people want to give me Versed and maybe Ketamine regardless of what I tell them?   Does that seem right or fair to you?  These drugs are used merely to make the anesthetists job easier!  How do I make sure that they aren't used on me?  If informed consent laws had been followed I wouldn't even be AWARE of Versed, now would I? 

I was already worried about getting g/a again!  What can I do if my body struggles under anesthesia?  When I fight the anesthesia in the OR and wake up fighting restraints, won't I cause problems with the surgery?  Pull out stitches etc?  Or conversely, what if these people take the straps off too early like my last surgery?  I was on my feet, furious and LOOSE in the PACU!  How good will that be for me after a major surgery?   Nobody listens to me about this.

It cracks me up in an ironic way when I hear about how wonderful health care is in this country!  It's out of control expensive and it's not very safe any more.  I don't find it wonderful, I find it frightening.  You have to worry about your own safety with the medical people and worry about them bankrupting you.  We have lost all control of the medical field and now they want us to lose all control of our minds.  VERSED AND KETAMINE!  Thanks anesthesia nurses.  I wish I could convince my veterinarian to do my surgery next time.  I have far more control over what happens to my pets than I do about what happens to me. 

PS I don't allow my pets to get Versed or Ketamine.