Friday, June 29, 2012

Obamacare Wins

I hate Obamacare, don't get me wrong.  The Supreme Court ruling is a bad one, in my opinion.  However there are some good things that MIGHT come out of it.  I think that people will be so upset over the cost of being forced to buy astronomically priced insurance, and pay HUGE taxes, that medical care will be forced to address unnecessary costs.  There is NO REASON for health care to bankrupt the country.

For years now I have railed against the expensive and unnecessary "sedation" costs.   The problems coming out of the insane policy of AMNESIA FOR ALL are many.  Cost is just the start of it.  It costs too much to have to pay anesthesia nurses to administer sedation.  These nurses think that they are equivalent in every way to doctors and are pushing hard to make even more money.  They already have a 6 figure salary!  How many people know that their little nurse who gives them amnesia and forces them to obey is making that kind of exhorbitant salary?  For that matter how many patients realize that the person in charge of their anesthesia is only a nurse? 

Then we have the cost of the "monitoring" the patient after their Versed injection.  The "tiers of care" whereby once the patient's brain has been disconnected by Versed, those same nurses now get more money.  Do the nurses themselves get more money or does the hospital just get to charge more and KEEP the money?  The same nurse, the same job, so why more money?  For some stupid "sedation?"  This must stop.

Why are we paying so many people to do the same job?  I had a one hour surgery and there were at least 18 people involved in my "care".  There should have been maybe 3 or 4.  The point is that we don't need all these people.  Even if most of my so-called caregivers only made 35-50 dollars an hour, with this many superfluous people, it adds up. 

This many people also makes it hard on the patient when they want to minimize medical intervention, like oh, decline Versed and general anesthetic.  I guarantee that no matter how many times the patient refuses or explains that they don't want the completely extraneous "sedation" there are so many people running in and out that it's easy for the medical people to claim that nobody told THEM.  The lure of sedated patients being what it is, these people will seize on any excuse to shoot up the patient.  It wouldn't surprise me if there weren't staff meetings discussing the tactics to use in order to facilitate Versed use. 

If we are going to force people to line the pockets of insurerers and be forced to pay huge taxes for medical care, then we can force salary caps on medical workers.  Especially the midlevel ones.  No nurse is worth what we are paying these anesthesia nurses.  We need to get them down around 80,000 or so.  This is a fine salary for most of us!   Doctors have taken it in the shorts with Medicare, Medicaid etc. and these advanced nurses need to feel some pain.  LOL  Like they will feel any pain even IF they get paid "only" 80,000. 

We need to cap the number of people involved in the patients care.  Floor nurses are fine, we need maybe some more of those, but we do not need more circulating nurses, those OR nurses and all the rest of them.  One nurse can handle the operation.  I know because that's how many there were on my last and AFFORDABLE surgery.  One OR nurse, an anesthesia nurse who was amenable to a Beir block without sedation or g/a and the doctor.  The PACU nurse was also the prep nurse.  Think about it, we cut out at least 14 people!!!!  We cut out sedation and general anesthetic and the savings were enormous!  My 15,000+ surgery was down to less than 5,000 with the new and improved surgery!  That's a TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR PLUS SAVINGS on the exact same surgery!  That aint chump change!

This new Obamacare law, if implimented without some cost savings is going to bankrupt the country.  We are already in bad shape and this law could be the final nail in the coffin.  We need to do away with the 'extra' charges for "tiers of care".  We need some serious rules or legislation about just WHEN sedation can be used as like I said it adds too much to the cost of health care without any benefit for the patient.  We need better reporting requirements to go along with this.  If an anesthesia nurse or physicians assistant is the one performing the procedures then there should be a SAVINGS attached to that.  It's not fair for patients to pay for a doctor, when a nurse or assistant is doing the procedure. 

While we are at it, informed consent is more important than ever.  The patients themselves will be looking for ways to save money.  I was.  My insurance carrier was very happy with me when I challenged some charges on my bill.  I saved them hundreds of dollars.  If there were some teeth in the informed consent laws and some REAL information in them, it will result in a lot less unnecessary money being spent on health care.  The government LOVES regulation and it LOVES information pamphlets, so this shouldn't be so hard to do.  The government can "standardize" informed consent.  We can have a 3 page document just for Versed.  See how many people want this sedation when they know the TRUTH about what it does and the SERIOUS side effects.  (Some of them permanent.)  Think of all the needless medical interventions that Obamacare can prevent.  Maybe it's not so bad after all.  If it means that we can rein in these overpaid ROGUE elements! 

I also want mandatory DRUG TESTING for medical workers and mental health screenings as well. After all these people have the opportunity to be more dangerous than an angry police officer with a gun!  I have to submit to random drug tests to continuously prove that I'm not a druggy!  How much more important is this assurance when we are talking about medical workers?  They have unlimited access to the good stuff for FREE!  Test them.  I have had dealings with more than a few medical people in the last few years and *I* swear that a goodly number of them appear to be suffering from "Narcissistic Personality Disorder."  We don't need these people involved with helpless trusting patients.  Maybe now with Obamacare we can begin to weed these people out.  He who pays the bills, rules.  Let's at least try to turn this Obamacare abomination to our favor.  Write your congressmen and senators at the state and federal level.  Let's get some strict REGULATIONS in place.  Let's 'share the pain' with the people who got us into this mess in the first place.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Shush! Think Of The Other Patients!

After finding the "Crazies" conversation I wrote about recently, I relived my experience in the PACU where I had my epiphany about the sorry state of medical care these days.  I just want to expound on what NOT to say to a wild patient in the PACU!

Let's start right off with WHOSE FAULT IT WAS that I was out of control in the PACU.  NOT MINE!  I am not the one who decided to inject me with disinhibiting drugs.  In fact I declined any such thing, along with general anesthetic.  I gave permission for a nerve block of their choice, an opioid pain killer in miniscule amounts when requested (no Demerol, which causes me to hallucinate) and a nausea medication.  That's all.  I was very clear about it.  I went on at length about my paradoxical reactions to anesthesia meds, previous experiences with anesthesia including the fact that I had two (2) open reductions on my femur, with a bone graft, WITHOUT sedation or general anesthesia, the difficulty in knocking me out, my "wild awakenings" to include restraints AND for good measure, the fact that I was a cash patient trying to keep costs down.  There is nothing unusual about what I wanted, in fact if you read medical journals, my way is the BEST way for the patient.  MEDICAL PEOPLE decided to do things to me which I had refused permission for.  It made me justifiably angry.  My debacle was entirely caused by medical people, in particular an anesthesia NURSE, defying my wishes and breaking the law as it pertains to consent. 

As my "treatment" went on I became increasingly furious at what was being done to me.  After my shock at perceiving that my anesthesiologist (actually a crna) was proceeding to do everything I had forbidden in complete and total disregard for the LAW, I was absolutely LIVID!   The slackness of my muscles, my poor coordination and inability to speak anything but gibberish prevented me from doing anything about it at the time.  My last thoughts as I was being knocked out against my will, and a tube being crammed down my throat were;  "I can't do anything about this now, but when I wake up, WATCH OUT!  This little b@#$%^d doctor (I was still laboring under the delusion that my anesthesia nurse was a real doctor) is going to get a piece of my mind for the deliberate drugging against my will and for all the snide, nasty comments he made about me, right in front of my face!  I will not PAY for this either!  (and I never did, keep that in mind)  I had NO IDEA that I was supposed to have amnesia.  I would NEVER have consented to a simple sedative let alone one like Versed.  Just so you know.

So when I "woke up" on my feet, swinging my arm cast like a club and swearing like a sailor, the nurse who was cowering in the corner tried to SHUSH ME.  "Think of the other patients" she exclaimed from the far corner.  Believe me when I tell you that shushing an irate, drugged up, disinhibited patient isn't a good idea.  It inflamed me even more.  "F#$k the other patients" was my response.  Then I became increasingly violent.  (good thing I was dizzy, I hate to think what I would have done had I been able to...)   Secretly I hoped that the whole hospital could hear me.  Hundreds of medical workers galloped down the halls toward my curtained cubicle.  Sounded like it anyway.  But they were afraid to come in...  I could hear them discussing how best to proceed from behind the curtain and it made me happy.  I was bellowing about date rape drugs and informed consent.  I had my murderous drugged up eye fixed on the smarta$$ nurse crouched in the corner.  I wanted that damn anesthesia "doctor" back. 

FYI the crna responsible was long gone.  He was probably in the men's room hiding in a stall.  Brave man who won't face the music for his own actions.  Nobody would get him for me.  It took an hour before a smirking little (real) anesthesiologist came in.  He was probably scared too.  His report is on the blog and I am telling you that what he wrote is NOT what I said.  He was covering his a$$.  Luckily my husband was there by that time and can verify this.

This all made me even angrier.  At no time was any concern or compassion shown for me.  It was all about how I was mucking up THEIR life.  They were upset about THAT, but not about my situation!  Well, screw them.  Maybe next time they will think twice about going along with some uppity anesthesia nurse when he/she does things to patients that they EXPRESSLY forbade!  Don't EVER try to shush me again you medical workers.  Keep on my good side by not injecting me with brain poison and we will get along fine.  I'm a very nice person, don't mess that up with drugs, especially that vile poison Versed.  Do as I say.  If you can convince me to go along with the program YOU want, good for you!  If not, don't you DARE try to shush me when YOUR illegally injected drugs and unlawful treatment are responsible for my behavior.

"Sorry you are upset" doesn't cut it either.  Take some responsibility for your own actions which CAUSED me to be upset.  I already know you're all really sorry I was upset.  I caused a major scene.  You SHOULD be sorry you attacked me with drugs and treatments I said not to give me!  Telling me that a date rape drug wasn't used on me when *I* KNOW that it was, I was there, makes me angry too.  Don't try it.  You know full well that Versed is a perfect date rape drug.  Do NOT tell me that Versed is for your own good.  I am a competent adult and I make my own decisions, which, by law, you must abide by.  How much good did this drug do ME?  Be honest.  Giving me this drug was for YOUR benefit, not mine.  So you people have no right to be upset with ME.  YOU caused the problem.  Own it.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This Is A Good One

I found this one here;
 
CREATIVE DOCUMENTATION BY MDAs MAY LEAD TO MEDICAL BOARD DISCIPLINARY ACTION

Did you ever wonder why your medical records ALL invariably say "pt. tolerated procedure well" even though there were lots of problems?  You should read this piece!  This was on a crna site, where of course they want to bash doctors, MDA's or a-n-e-s-t-h-e-s-i-o-l-o-g-i-s-t-s (something the nurses are NOT) but it is alarming!

Please note that my crna did NOT follow the guidelines expressed in the above link either.   I was going to pick out just ONE of these, the last one, but my crna didn't comply fully with ANY of these.   He obeyed parts of #'s 1 and 4, but not all of it.   The rest of it?  Don't make me laugh.

"...mandatory elements of the intra-operative record:

* Name, dosage, route and time of administration of drugs and anesthesia agents;
* Techniques(s) used and patient position(s), including the insertion/use of any intravascular or airway devices;
* Name and amounts of IV fluids, including blood or blood products if applicable;
* Timed-based documentation of vital signs as well as oxygenation and ventilation parameters; and
* Any complications, adverse reactions, or problems occurring during anesthesia, including time and description of symptoms, vital signs, treatments rendered, and patient’s response to treatment."


You can look at my medical records, a copy of which is in this blog.  I hope that nobody says that I don't have ALL the records!  Because that would mean yet more laws were broken.  I have an absolute right to any and all records, not just the ones cherry picked by the medical people themselves.

crna's AGAIN!

I love going over to http://www.nurse-anesthesia.org/  They are always informative, even if sometimes I wish I hadn't read some of it.  I found this today.  If you ever wondered how much regard anesthesia nurses have for their patients look at what they write here Crazies  I know that they think that they are so funny, along with all their other superior traits, but really...  Here are a few choice excerpts.

"So I am curious to see what does everyone else do when you wake a patient up and they are crazy as hell and don't know what is going on. Do you give some propofol, narcs, put them back down, or smack them in the head? What is everyone's plan with this happens?"  (emphasis mine)

"a nice soft pillow.... "  The red X marks the spot for the smiley face icon apparently laughing.
"held TIGHTLY over their face .......... ( Lord forgive me and bleess [sic] all the little pygmies in New Guinea!)"   The red X marks the spot for a little praying smiley face icon.  God may forgive you, but *I* don't!

"You must have one amazing patient population to never have a patient wake up even slightly nuts. But for me I will use a cc or two of propofol and/or give a little extra narc. Today I had a 50ish lady for hysteroscopy (20min case) that woke up after 100 of fent with a deer in headlights look and was going bannanas. Gave another 50 of fent and a cc of propofol and when she came to in the PACU she couldn't stop thinking me. (I think he/she meant to say "thanking me") God I HATE these patients!"  Look at the last line "God I HATE these patients!"  (emphasis in original post)  Kinda makes you all warm and fuzzy doesn't it?
"Duct tape.
Actually, Midazolam...but I fantasize about duct tape."
The red X marks the smiley face icon.  Compassion at its finest, doncha think?


The quotes are from different nurses.  They are all up in the PUBLIC section for us all to see!  Do you get the picture?  Are you rolling on the floor from their crude and juvenile humor?  I thought not.  If you go through the responses, oddly enough they like to give their patients YET MORE VERSED!  So from these anti-social misanthropes we get shot up with a drug that causes problems and their solution is to give patients more of the drug that causes problems. 

I also want to point out another little jewel gleaned from this page.  That being Sevoflurane as a culprit in "wild awakenings.'  As if I needed more proof of what an absolute MORON my crna was, I find that sevo, which my crna used, causes or exacerbates wild awakenings.  What was this idiot thinking?  I told him I have paradoxical reactions to anesthesia drugs and ALWAYS wake up fighting and strapped down.  So in his infinite wisdom he decides to use a drug that is known to cause, well, WILD AWAKENINGS!  Then he jams me with a bunch more Versed, thereby delaying the fight until he could escape.  He left the PACU nurses to deal with me trying to kill them!  I wasn't even strapped down!  I was loose in the PACU staggering around like the Versed zombie I was, trying to kill people! 

My advice is never, ever to allow a nurse to provide anesthesia for you.  They do not appear mature enough to handle the job.  Judge for yourself.

A DREAM About Medical Care

I was delighted to have a friend of mine send me this.  Thanks very much!  Here's the link;  A Tough Love Colonoscopy Dream - John Francis - Open Salon  In this imaginative narrative the author describes what an HONEST practitioner would say to their patient.  Don't we all wish for this?  But if the doctor told us everything like the author of this piece writes, who would allow any procedures?   Very good John Francis, I'm lovin' it!

Monday, June 25, 2012

A Reader Questions an Insane Nurse

A reader sent this to me at nomidazolam@aol.com  It was too long for my "comments" section to publish, so I took the liberty of putting it here.  Here's where the comment belongs;  No Midazolam: Yes I'm Rude!

"'All it takes for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing'.  My question to J Connor is this... 'What are you and those like you who you say are 'good' doing to stop what is happening that is wrong and illegal to so many innocent and unsuspecting patients? Are you going along with what you're told to do by doctors and those even further up the food chain in your hospital/hospitals or are you speaking out and, at least, trying to make a difference for good? For you to say that you come to a site/blog like this for amusement is a rather sick statement to make. Even if you privately think some of the things you do about what happened to 'Never Again' and many others who maintain sites/blogs like this one; why in the world would you post those thoughts for all the public to see? You really only prove 'Never Again' correct when you do this. Don't you see that?
I have met a few ethical doctors and nurses in my time who took their duties seriously and desired to help, not harm, their patients. I have to think back many years though... like in the 80's or maybe 70's even. Not so much these days... 'Greed' rather than 'Need' has taken over much of the medical community it would appear. It appears that the duty to 'first do no harm' has all but fallen by the wayside.
The problem with America's health care is literally the poor state of America's health care and those who work in the medical field/community. There was a recent story by Channel 12 in Cincinnati Ohio which pointed out that nurse complaints have soared approximately 40% over the past few years. Why is that? Obviously, something is wrong here. There must be some reason complaints have soared to such an alarming extent.
I purpose to you that the problem lies largely within the medical community. You might want to read Gary Nulls 'Death by Medicine' just for starters... In 'Death by Medicine', Null states that approximately 7.5 million unnecessary medical and surgical procedures are performed each year in the U.S. (The sheer number of unnecessary surgeries being performed is very suspect. One can't help but wonder if drugs like 'Versed' play a part in those staggering numbers). According to Null, rather than reverse the problems they purport to 'fix', these unwarranted procedures and surgeries lead to greater health problems and even DEATH; even DEATH. Also according to Null, a definitive review and close reading of medical peer-review journals and government health statistics indicates that American medicine frequently causes more harm than good. Null goes on to say that approximately 8.9 million people are exposed to unnecessary hospitalizations each year. The Harvard University School of Public Health estimates that as many as 1.3 million Americans suffer injuries in hospitals yearly and 198,000 of those unnecessarily hospitalized result in DEATH (there's that word again); 7 out of 10 which were 'preventable'. Are patients truly the problem here? Seriously? Are they somehow causing their own harm and even deaths? In Kenny Ausubel's book 'When Healing Becomes A Crime', he states that nearly 40 percent of all surgical operations in the U.S. are unnecessary; yet another staggering number.
Hysterectomy is the second most performed surgery in America and most doctors agree that amputation of a woman's sex organs is almost always unnecessary. (See Stanley West's 'The Hysterectomy Hoax' and 'Gynocide: Hysterectomy, Capitalist Patriarchy and the Medical Abuse of Women'). Hysterectomy is only life-saving approximately 1% of the time. Yet, nearly a million women a year are hysterectomized and castrated - that's approximately a woman hysterectomized every 30 seconds. It is completely unreasonable to believe that a million women a year need or even choose to have their vital sex organs amputated. Again, one can't help but wonder if drugs like 'Versed' are playing a role in all of these unnecessary surgeries. What's really going on here? It's just not believable that nearly a million women each year sign 'informed consent' (without being drugged first) for such a mutilationg surgery. Why would they do that? It's quite evident that something very wrong is going on... Woman all over the world have the same sex organs; yet America leads the entire world in preforming unnecessary hysterectomies. Why?
It's past time to acknowledge that all of these unnecessary medical procedures and surgeries is simply the fault of ignorant patients somehow. It's also past time for medical 'professionals' to stop victimizing the victims and take a long, hard look within.
On a final note, let me say that in times past when physicians have gone on strike, death rates have gone down. Much has been written about this also. Something to think about... Whatever happened to 'first do no harm'?"

Thursday, June 21, 2012

"Informed" Consent Laws Broken

I found this little tidbit in Nick's youtube video here; Sanford part two [of four] -- details details detail.wmv - YouTube  He put up a little jewel from his "informed consent."  I just love how these people circumvent the law.  Here's the item in full.  I will go through it line by line for you as well.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. I understand that:
    a.  I can change my mind.  If I do, I must tell the person doing the procedure or treatment or the team
         before they start.
    b.  The person doing the procedure or treatment may have help from others.  Help would include
         opening or closing the wound.  Help might also include taking grafts, cutting out tissue, implanting
         devices.  I have been told who will help, if known.
     c.  The team members may change during the procedure.
     d.  To protect me, the team will  double-check who I am and what I am having done.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This just amazes me.  DOES THE PATIENT UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE GIVING UP RIGHTS ENUMERATED IN PATIENT RIGHTS LAW? 

Beginning with #4(a)  Yes the patient can change their mind.  However the law specifically states that the patient can change their mind EVEN AFTER BEGINNING!  This little item also needs to explain the "start" that they are talking about.  Does it start when you walk through the medical treatment center's doors, like they claimed at my hospital?  Once you walk in, they can do whatever they please to you?  Does it start when they get an IV line into you?  Does it start when they deliberately take away your mind with Versed?  You tell me!  Even if you say no to Versed, they still give it to you.  That way they can claim that you never objected to anything!  Will you remember telling them no?  (not that it matters...)  Will they simply give you Versed and then have your companion sign off on the "necessary" treatment?

4(b)  The person doing your treatment "may" have help from others.  It should read;  they WILL have help from others.  Of course they will have help, how stupid to say this...  However, this "HELP" should NOT be defined as they define it.  If the person "helping" is actually taking grafts, cutting out tissue and implanting devices, then that person is DOING THE PROCEDURE, not just helping.  Also the "help" must be named, their role in the patients care defined, and it must be written on a sheet of paper with extra sheets as necessary.  That's the LAW! 

4(c)  The team members may NOT change during the procedure unless their name appears on the WRITTEN consent sheet specifying who they are and what they will be doing.  This item is actually a permission to allow students, interns, janitors or whomever to relieve the people you EXPECTED and gave permission to perform the work.  No, no, no to this egregious deviation from informed consent law.  They, by having you sign this, are breaching patient rights law.  Don't sign away your rights.  You have the federally mandated right to know who will be performing your care, their title and what exactly their purpose is.  Before, not after.

4(d)  Why they threw this in there I will never know.  The team will double check who you are and what is being done?  Why would this have to be listed?  Oh, the patient might OBJECT to this?  Are you kidding me?  I'm really not understanding why this is mentioned. 

Sickening is how I view this kind of subterfuge by medical treatment center.  Taking an already injured or diseased person and having them sign away all their rights by deliberately circumventing the law is beyond nasty.  How do they get away with this?  These people are turning the law on its head.  This is not patient protection, this is patient abuse.  Yeah, here you go, sign this to deliberately defy patient law.  We don't want to comply with the law and we want you to sign this waiver and hold-harmless document so that we don't have to!  This has nothing in it to protect the patient, but everything in it to protect medical workers as they indulge in a little illegal behavior.  (What do we call people who break federal law, boys and girls?  That's right, FELONS!)

What patient would even notice this?  Or know that they were giving away all their rights?  The people who are charged with following the law as it pertains to THEIR PROFESSION should know the laws.  (and apparently they do as judged by the specific taking away of certain rights as shown here...)  Just like I don't expect everybody to know the law as it pertains to my job, why should patients be expected to know the law as it pertains to medical treatment?  That's the medical professionals job!  Instead of figuring out how to get away with violating the law, maybe they should apply themselves to conforming with the law.  Ya think?

Sunday, June 17, 2012

For Women

Here's a blog about unnecessary surgery for women.  I have written about the man who was shocked and horrified that his penis was amputated, but what about women? 

Hysterectomy Information - Home

PS,the author has a problem with the brain poison Versed as well. 

Hospital BRUSHOFF!

A person who has written to me included their "brushoff" letter from the hospital that destroyed her life as she knew it.  She correctly wrote a letter of complaint to the hospital and here is an excerpt from the brush-off letter she received in return.

Quoting;  "Please be advised that your concerns regarding the above referenced account were reviewed by the facility.  The above account was for a scheduled surgery for which you signed the consent form.  Our records indicate that your treatment and care were appropriate.  I would like to apologize if your expectations were not met at our facility."

This is the kind of "kiss off" letter you can expect from the medical center.  They "reviewed" the concerns of this patient.  Really?  It sure doesn't sound like it!  Nowhere in this "screw you, pay up" missive is a single concern listed.  What concerns were reviewed?  Just like the phony "informed consent" this phony "review" doesn't even bother to address the concerns by name.  This is obviously a form letter, probably available on-line, with a discount for buying in bulk.  (I had to add this later; "the facility" cannot review anything.  "The facility" is an inanimate object...  I'm just sayin'!  So who, living person, employee, fellow, doctor, nurse, secretary, lawyer, janitor etc "reviewed" the concerns?)

The next sentence is another screw you!  "The above account was for a scheduled surgery for which you signed the consent form."  I happen to know the rest of this story, and this patient did NOT sign a consent for anything like what happened.  The true story is that her MOTHER was conned into signing a consent after this ADULT patient had refused.  The consent that her MOTHER signed wasn't even for what happened!  Unfortunately for this patient, the anesthesia provider used Versed in order to facilitate this horror show.  They deliberately injected her with Versed before trying to get her to sign off on way more surgery than she had originally allowed.  Now we have the hospital snidely saying "YOU signed the consent form."  No she didn't.  She refused to sign it, because she didn't agree!  That is her right by LAW!   

The lesson to learn from this is that Versed will be used to incapacitate you if you don't agree to the plan of action.  They will do this without consent.  They will have whomever your companion is sign a document once they give you Versed.  Or they will claim that you finally DID give consent by "not objecting" once they isolate the patient in the OR.  (My story)  So, what did this hospital investigate, if they never even looked at the consent forms?  They NEVER EVEN LOOKED!  They investigated NOTHING!

"Our records indicate that your treatment and care were appropriate."  What records do they refer to?  Appropriate to whom and for whom?  Obviously not this patient!   My contention is that this generic form is purposefully vague, and usable in ANY AND ALL situations with a patient who has been harmed.  Can YOU hazard a guess as to what this letter is referring to?

The last "up yours" in this letter is this "I would like to apologise if your expectations were not met at our facility."  What expectations?  The expectation that this patient would be treated with respect and dignity?  The expectation that federal patient rights LAWS would be obeyed at this "facility?"   Or maybe the expectation that this patient wouldn't be permanently HARMED by medical care? 

Words mean something.  I want to point out that the sentence directly above once again resorts to pointing the finger of blame at the hapless patient.  Look at the "YOUR expectations" phrase.  What it really means is that the patients expectations were unreasonable.  They are going to apologise for "YOUR expectations" not being met.  You can't apologise for somebody else's "expectations" now can you? 

If my treatment center had actually sent me a letter like they claimed, I would bet money that it would contain this exact verbiage.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

A** Backwards

The irony in this piece is sort of amusing.  Versed is causing problems with patients remembering their physician's instructions and interactions post procedure.  My idea (which is the correct one) is to TELL the patient about Versed/Midazolam PRIOR to adminstering it.  Then there would be none of the problems which this article points out would there?  Postendoscopy Syndrome: "The Doctor Never Talked to Me" : Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology

Ummm, why would these patients be angry and upset with their physicians if they had known ahead of time that AMNESIA was the primary aspect of sedation.  Wouldn't it follow that there would be no hard feelings because the patient would be aware of the chemically induced Alzheimers?  But NO, medical workers want to keep this a secret until AFTER the procedure!  I'm not kidding, just take a look!

The article starts right out with this;  "Many patients complain after [medical procedures] that the gastroenerologist did not discuss the results of the procedure with them."  My first question is "Why is the gastroenterologist trying to discuss things with a patient whose brain has been fried with drugs that the gastroenterologist is responsible for?"  I don't get it.  Medical people give patients a drug to cause amnesia without informing the patient of this and then get all shocked and perturbed that the patient can't remember the conversations with the God-like doctor either, and the patients don't know that they were given dense amnesia.  Seriously?  Note the "MANY" patients.  Hmmm.  Why would there be so many if they were being properly consented in the first place?

"Consequently, the patients feel neglected, leaving them with a negative opinion of their doctor."  These patients have every right to feel neglected.  They were deliberately and maliciously excluded from their own care by this phony "sedation" drug.  Nobody informed them that they would have amnesia and be wide awake, walking and talking with absolutely no memory of it.  They are not expecting this or they wouldn't be of the opinion that nobody talked to them.  They would be aware that they were unaware.  See the logic in this?

Fortunately in this article they name the culprit.  "Most of the time the culprit in this situation is the administered sedative, particularly midazolam."   Midazolam is probably 100% responsible for this.  So why aren't these patients aware of the amnesia?  Midazolam isn't a sedative, it's an amnesia drug.  I was NOT calmer or sedated by this drug I was just incapacitated by slack muscles so that I couldn't EXHIBIT much movement.  Almost every single person who has recall will tell you this.  The very idea that a so-called sedative would lead to spikes in blood pressure should inform these medical workers that Midazolam is NOT a sedative.  My thought is that medical workers know full well that this drug isn't a sedative.  Sedation sounds better and is more palatable to patients than AMNESIA. Medical workers are after 1) amnesia 2) obedience.  That's why they don't consent us, and that's why they are searching for ways to 1) keep using it, even with unhappy patients 2) ways to trick patients into thinking they give a damn about us.

So on it goes.  At the end, it describes some ways to alleviate this problem AFTER THE DAMAGE IS DONE!  Here's a quote from the suggested procedures AFTER...  "A prepared written document about the potential effect of midazolam, highlighting the anterograde amnesia..."    The "ANTEROGRADE AMNESIA" needs to be highlighted BEFORE the injection of Versed, NOT afterward.  Tell patients ahead of time what devious plot you have to completely erase their memory of everything, possibly for days, and let them decide if they want "sedation."  Notice in the "before" instructions they babble baby talk about maybe not remembering everything...and then afterward the AMNESIA paper. I absolutely guarantee that what patients like the very least is a nasty surprise about what was done to them in re sedation AFTER THE FACT!

Medical people are getting it backwards.  The emphasis should be on informed consent up front, not trying to fix the damage later.  If they don't like patients thinking that nobody talked to them after their procedure than by all means GET RID OF THE AMNESIA DRUG!  Very simple.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Versed Creates Violent Tendencies

This one is also from my comments section as noted.  Warning, this is another heartbreaking story.

Nicholas Klein has left a new comment on your post "Another Physician Speaks Out Against Versed":

"I was doped up on fentanyl, versed, and propofol for a day and a half -- even on e mechanical vent for a day....flipped out, let AMA just a hour later, and tried to kill 3 people....I have not slept a full night since it happen 15 months ago...and cry almost everyday...I am now dying as complication from all the stress have made it to difficult to fight my AIDS of 22 yrs anymore. I went from a 900 t-cell to 100+. I am just hoping I die now so the emotional pain is over."youtube.com/watch?v=xJ4DTeu8cMk a video I made - others are there too.

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Please Nicholas, don't give up!  It took me 3 years to start to feel normal, and *I* don't have a devastating illness such as yours.  Hope and a good attitude is so important with a disease like yours.  One of my very best "girlfriends" passed away in the 80's from AIDS.  He was an inspiration to many people.  He also outlasted all of his former partners.  I still miss him as I'm sure you have people who will miss you terribly. 

I experienced the sleeplessness as well.  I wondered just how long I could last without sleep and I terrified my family.  I wandered the hallways night and day, like a ghost, full of fury and rage, plotting payback for the people responsible for my mental deterioration.  My fantasies involved tazers and pencils...  You can use your imagination.  I also cried constantly and considered suicide, just to make the jangled nerves in my head STOP!  I found that mega doses of fish oil, and the occasional Lexapro helped.  I can't suggest that to you because of your meds, but it might be something to ask the doctors about.

PS  I in no way am insinuating anything or pretending to know how Mr. Klein contracted AIDS.  There are many ways to get this dread disease.  The only close personal friend of MINE that has had AIDS was gay.  He showed horses with me, and we became fast friends.  That is the SOLE REASON I used him as an example.

Yet Another Engineer Bites The Dust

Anybody who has read this blog knows that I feel that the higher your IQ is, the more likely you are to have an adverse event with subsequent mental problems after Versed injection.  I have also singled out engineers as having the most severe effects from this drug.  Apparently Versed interferes with that portion of the brain dealing with mathematical analysis.  Since your little anesthesia nurse is completely IGNORANT of advanced brain function, they will tell you that this is not possible.  However, what is not possible, statistically speaking, is the rate of Midazolam caused brain dysfunction in this subset of high IQ people.  Ask any mathematician... 


Here is the comment;

Recommend Against Versed

posted by Thomas on 20 May 2012 at 11:44 am
"I'm a 53 year old male, and in October of last year I was scheduled for a colonoscopy. I was to be put under "conscious sedation". I was not aware of the nature of the drug Versed at the time, but I sure am now.

The last thing I remember with clarity was being given it, everything after that are fuzzy, disordered memories. But I know some of what happened, and parts of it I can recall. I've been traumatized ever since and so was my wife.

My wife said that after I was taken in, I was screaming in agony so loudly they she could hear me from the waiting area. I remember only pieces of this time - I remember begging them to stop, trying to tell them I couldn't stand it any more, and a nurse telling me to "breathe, breathe..." I remember feeling that they must be cutting into me with a knife and ripping apart my insides. I know after I had bruises on my arms and legs. It was a very violating experience, I feel like I was tortured.

My memory of the rest of the day after that is entirely gone - the only things I recall after the Versed are bits and pieces from traumatic events from inside that room. I don't remember my wife driving me home, or friends calling to ask me how I was, although I've been told they did. People told me my poor wife was sobbing and shaking like a leaf from having to hear my screaming.

Ever since, I've had periods of extreme anxiety, which I've never had before in my life, where I don't want to leave my house, and feel like staying in with all the doors locked. Also I've had and issues with my memory which was always excellent. I work as a engineer and several complex skills I've been doing my entire career seem to have vanished overnight. Can I "prove" that was due to this drug? No, I can't, but it's awfully suspicious that I knew something and used it on a daily basis for decades, and it suddenly was taken from me at just the time I received an amnesic drug.

It's only after researching on the internet that I learned this drug is not an anesthetic, but only an amnesic. That is, it interferes with your ability to form memories, but it does not provide pain relief. Personally, I would not call that "sedation", so I feel I was misled by the hospital staff.

In all all I wish I never went through this, and I don't feel I'm "whole" even now, many months later. I know I can never face that procedure again. I have to keep checking that all the doors to the house are locked, sometimes 15 times every night or more, and I can't shake this feeling that comes over of being in danger, even though I'm not. Some days I even have trouble leaving the house at all. I was never like that before.

No one from the hospital ever checked to see how I was, and I was in no condition to talk to them on that day. I tried later, but was brushed off with, "when you're under twilight sedation, you don't always remember clearly what happened. The doctor said you tolerated the procedure well." Then why did my WIFE hear me screaming, if I tolerated it so well? Why am I afraid to go outside, when I love the outdoors
?

I know it's not fair to say every case will be like mine, but I think the use of a drug to make you "forget", while still experiencing all the pain and horror, is inhumane. I feel that more attention should be given to pain relief, not pain forgetting. I feel this should never have been described to me as "sedation", when it was really just "it will be horrific, but you'll forget some of it". I'm sure some people in other cases have little or no pain from this procedure, but when someone does, I feel that it should be stopped and their agony should be addressed as the number one priority with pain medications - NOT amnesics.


So now, I know I do not have colon cancer. I'll gladly trade that piece of knowledge if I can only be whole again."

 Here's the link to the comment in situ;Midazolam Sedation Is Not ALWAYS Safe - Forum Thread Page 3

Lies, Obfuscation and "Informed" Consent

Recently I looked around the web to see what kind of informed consent was given for Versed sedation specifically.  You can google it yourself.  Anyway, I found a ton of so-called "informed consent" samples for Versed/Midazolam/sedation.  I have linked to some of them below.  I point out that in every single one of them, Versed effects NOT described properly at all.  Not even close!  I did not cherry pick these.  I simply went down the list...

http://www.ghc.org/customerservice/forms/informed-consent-for-conscious-sedation.pdf  This is the first one.  Notice that there is ABSOLUTELY ZERO information on it.  This consent is a generic consent to treat, not an informed consent as it purports to be.  NEVER, EVER sign an "informed" consent that looks like this.  Also note the "necessary" sedation and the carte blanche for anything and everything. 

http://www.nkydentalcare.com/docs/Informed-Consent-for-Oral-Sedation.pdf  This is the next one I looked at.  Look at the mix of truth and lies.  Obfuscation at its finest.  "The purpose of sedation is to more comfortably receive necessary care."  That's a lie.  Sedation is for the dental workers so that they don't have to deal with the patient.  It also is good for the obedience that we have seen in my last two dental posts.  The second sentence is true.  Sedation isn't necessary!  The second paragraph also has the same peculiar mix of lies and truth in that order.  I don't see anything about AMNESIA at all.  "Reduced awareness" my patootie.  At any rate this is one of the better ones.  At least it mentions SOME of the things required by informed consent laws.  I especially like number 5. (b)  "altered mental states" that may require hospitalization!  (paraphrased)  Ya think?  (rhetorical)

Adult Sedation: Intra-Sedation > Informed Consent  Here is another completely fake "informed consent."  Of note is the attempt to APPEAR to be giving information, but really, where is the information?  See anything about amnesia, obedience, babbling about your sex life?  See anything about PTSD?  Don't they always start out with the line about how this is good for you?  This one ties in with the woman whose MOTHER signed the consent for the complete hysterectomy story I posted a few days ago.  "If the patient is cognitively impaired but understands the fact that consent is being signed, he/she should be made aware of the document and should be present when the guardian signs the consent."  This statement should strike fear in the hearts of patients.  Apparently these medical people can give you Versed, claim cognitive impairment, and then have your "guardian" (husband?  wife?  MOTHER?) sign the document.  This is evil.

http://www.huttopremierdentistry.com/uploads/4/3/2/2/4322408/sedation_consent_form.pdf  Another fake consent.  Once again we have a consent which starts out with how wonderful this drug is.  Where's the part about amnesia?  "Reduced awareness" yet again!  This is an absolutely ERRONEOUS description of this drug.

http://www.hospitalalemao.org.br/haoc/Repositorio/0/Documentos/pdf_atendimento_internacional/A4_termo
_consentimento_anestesia_sedacao_ing.pdf     Not sure if this link will work...  However, this is another "informed consent" that patients should never sign.  All it says is that this has been explained.  How do you know if anything at all has been explained?  Also of note is that the medical people are not identified.   The janitor could be pressed into service to supply your anesthesia and there would be nothing you could do about it.  You are giving permission to do anything at all, performed by anybody at all.  These people WILL LIE about what kind of information you have been given if it isn't written down.  Don't sign something like this!

http://www.indianriverimplantcenter.com/Consent-for-IV-Conscious-Sedation.html  AGAIN we have the alleged "benefits" of this drug described in frivolous language, which does NOT approximate the effects of Versed.  Not even close.  How do they get away with this?  Where's the part about the dense amnesia?  The inability to stop the procedure?  The PTSD?  The deliberate torture?  This is not informed consent. 

http://www.med.navy.mil/directives/ExForms/NAVMED%206710-12.pdf  This one is probably one of the best, or worst, depending on your point of view.  What a crock!  It starts right out with "artificial sleepiness."  I want to tell everybody that my experience with Versed was a state of heightened awareness, not sleepiness in any way.  My muscles were "relaxed" enough to make it very hard to move and I was very uncoordinated, but sleep?  Not so much.  Freaked out, more like!  Here's an odd and alarming statement from this consent.  "Often sedation consists of local anesthetics (numbing agents) in combination with other drugs that can produce varying levels of sleepiness..."  I have never, ever heard that numbing agents are also sedation agents.  What a perfect piece of hogwash.  Plus, again with the sleepiness.  Versed doesn't cause sleepiness.  How would a normal person know how full of BS this consent is?  It looks OK at first glance, but it's full of untruths and obfuscation.  Please don't ever believe the crap that is in these "consent" forms.  ps there isn't one single word about AMNESIA in this one either. 

I am going to end with two "informed consent" pieces that verify my thoughts.  Here's the first one;Informed consent and parental choice of anest... [Am J Emerg Med. 1997] - PubMed - NCBI
"parents preferred nonsedation over sedation under the clinical circumstances described above."  Geez, imagine that!  Informed Consent in the Operating Room: Ethical Topic in Medicine  This one delves into ethics.  Those of us who have been injected with Versed, duped by one of these fake "informed" consent documents, wish that ethics had played a part in our care.  I think that the crna clubs should be teaching ethics, in particular the ethics of injecting unsuspecting patients with brain poison without true consent.

Anybody who wants to send me a copy of an informed consent which actually describes Versed properly and in full is welcome to e-mail it to me;  nomidazolam@aol.com  Rest assured I will put it up on the blog as an example of what a real informed consent looks like.  I just can't seem to find one on my own. 




Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Lighter Side Of MedMal

This item came in my inbox today.  Man Dies While Engaged in Threesome; Family Sues Cardiologist and Wins $3 Million For Failure to Warn!  This man's family won 3 million dollars.  UNBELIEVABLE!  This should have come under the heading of "frivolous" lawsuit.  Those of us who have truly been injured by medical personnel can't do a thing about it, but this guy's family gets 3 mil?  If I were his wife, I would be thinking it was divine justice.  The very last thing that would occur to me is to sue the doctor! 

So now we have yet another stupid, unjustified lawsuit that plays right into the hands of the tort reform group.  The truly injured get nothing but the runaround and these sensational cases get rewarded.  Where is OUR lawsuit for "failure to warn" about Versed and the permanent damage so many of us have suffered as a consequence? 

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Another HORROR Story With Versed/Midazolam

I got this shocking post in my comments section as shown.  This was so wrenching for me that I decided to publish it in the main body of my blog.  This is so very wrong on so many levels...  This should never have happened.

jiggaz31 has left a new comment on your post "Law and Order Episode":

"I was given Versed against my will by a CRNA in 9/2007. My last waking memory was of him injecting my IV. I did not know what he was giving me at the time; only that he promised it would only 'relax' me and not put me to sleep. The hospital tried to obtain my consent for a totally different surgical procedure than I agreed to only two days prior. I refused surgery and refused to sign the consent and asked to speak with my doctor. While I was waiting to speak with my doctor, Versed was injected into my IV. My family told me that as soon as the CRNA injected my IV, the O.R. nurse came into my room and tried to obtain my signature on the consent I had refused to sign. I was 'out' though so this did not work out as they obviously planned. However, the O.R. nurse turned to my mother and told her to sign the consent. My mother signed it; having no idea what she was signing. Of course, obtaining consent from someone other than the patient for an elective surgery is illegal (unless there is an emergent and/or life and death situation). I cannot begin to express in mere words the horror of waking up (especially when I did not know I had been asleep) and learning that I was in recovery and that all six of my healthy sex organs had been amputated. I had been sterilized, castrated, mutilated and robbed of six vital organs and the hormones and chemicals they produce. I cried out that I wanted to die and this is noted in my hospital record. My life since that surgery is a life of torment on every level; physically, mentally and even spiritually. Had I not been given Versed against my will; I would not be sterilized, castrated and disabled today. I would have a life. I have attempted suicide many times since waking up from that barbaric and mutilating surgery. Unless a person has endured the horror of being given Versed and the horror of enduring a surgical procedure they did not need and/or did not consent to; there is no way they can understand the devastating consequences of Versed on many levels. This is a great site. I'm thankful to have run across it. Please keep up the good work in exposing the very dangerous and evil drug Versed. I will continue to speak out loudly about Versed and about what happened to me until I'm dead."

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Glenn's Thoughts On The Subject

Folks,

The following post was put onto the askapatient site recently, where people can post their reactions to drugs administered to them, whether positive or negative.   This particular post concerned oral surgery, and it struck quite a note  with me, as their grim experience tallied very much with that of my own. 
-----start quote from http://www.askapatient.com/viewrating.asp?drug=18654&name=VERSED

Reason: Dental.

Rating: 1/5

Side effects:
---
Was totally awake and conscience during parts of the procedure, I think the dentist was purposefully discreet about using this drug due to it's infamy.
---

Comments:
---start quote
"Well long story short when they say "put under" they mean versed. I took the versed, laughing gas, and the IV which put me to SLEEP (did not put me "under" just made me tired and sleep through the initial part of the procedure). So naturally, I awaken staring at the ceiling and the dentist hover over me thinking oh my god, the people on the internet were right I'm going to experience terrible pain and I just won't remember it. I couldn't move either, as I had noticed the nurse had STRAPPED me into the chair. My first memory is the dentist pulling on my teeth, me being in excruciating pain and him telling me to open my mouth wider. Despite the terrible pain, I could not resist opening my mouth as wide as I possibly could and then apologizing for not doing it properly. Long story short, I remember 3/4 teeth being removed in vivid detail. The pain, the crunching, the blood, I remember 10% of the entire procedure, and how painful it was. i remember gripping the chair so hard i hurt my nails I was in so much pain. If the doctor truley thought I was going to be "under" why is he having a calm cool damn conversation with me and tellling me after each tooth is done and how manys left?? I can only imagine the horror of the other 90% of the procedure I felt but actually am unable to remember. Afterward, the nurse became very argumentive when I confronted her about why I was not put to sleep. She told me I was out, I think I remember, but I don't. This was [sic]"


-----end quote from http://www.askapatient.com/viewrating.asp?drug=18654&name=VERSED
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This sounds grimly familiar.  Being totally compliant, to the point that this dude was apologising for not doing it properly - failing to cooperate fully enough with the torturer that was making him absolutely miserable.  I begged my own torturer/ oral surgeon to stop, while under Versed.  He told me to stop talking and open my mouth, and I meekly complied, even though I was terrified.  The main difference is most people do not remember anything.  My experience, together with that of this poster to Askapatient, suggests that some people do.   Note this - whenever people remember anything about their experience, it's usually not at all good.  In fact, their experience is a nightmare from which they are unable to flee, and terror is the most common memory where there is any recollection at all.

This is one of the features of Versed that rankles as much as anything - the patient is PAYING for a drug that makes them docile, utterly compliant,  and amnesic.  Could there possibly be a more inviting opportunity for the unscrupulous, the exploitative, the abusive or the incompetent practitioner?   Can anyone who pays for this actually be even passingly informed?

The medical profession loves to pass along responsibility, making patients decide between treatments on which they have almost zero knowledge.  When it comes to Versed, we're talking about a drug which acts virtually solely in the practitioner's favour.  Lo and behold, this one has the least discussion not only about side effects and possible horrible experiences which may result, but the very reason for administering it!  An assurance that an injection is a sedative, being told, "This will relax you", is a damnable lie, and probably seriously counter to ethical stipulations by itself.   If it's not, the medical profession is in very bad shape indeed.

There is something rather noticeable about the reported reactions to this drug on askapatient.com - either the experience was fine, no problems - or the experience was very bad indeed.  Little in between.  Now a dishonest statistician might say on average the results are fair to reasonable.  But that's like saying - on average - you should be ok if someone takes pot-shots at you.   Some will miss altogether with no ill-effects, others will strike home very hard with serious consequences.

The reactions on this askapatient message board reads like an indictment sheet - there is no way the medical profession (as a whole) can be unaware that there's a serious problem here for a significant minority.   That's not a small problem for dismissively few people, it's a HUGE problem for a good proportion.  But because it leaves mental scars they can be dismissed as some pre-existing condition, flakiness in the patient, whatever, waved away.  Good luck in proving it isn't a "pre-existing condition".
 
I have nothing to add!  Well said Glenn!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Could Be Versed/Midazolam?

I wish that the news media would at least try to find out what the mysterious zombie drug used in this article
was!

John Bolaris, Former Weatherman, Allegedly Seduced, Conned Out of $43,000 By Sexy Bar Girls

Judging by how "cooperative" John Bolaris, the newsman who was the victim in this report was, it smacks of Versed.  Apparently Versed can now be purchased at the pharmacy by anybody who "treats" seizures at home, so it's no wonder that Versed would find itself being used by nefarious underworld characters who want easy access to an obedient mark. 

The amnesia aspect of this story is also remarkable.  What a great drug!  The only problem I can see is in dosing the prospective victim enough so that they are responsive, yet obedient, and also so that they retain "little or no memory" (quote stolen from the sedation dentistry people) of events. 

Isn't it helpful that only 2 mls or less of this brain poison can create these desired effect?  Just think how convenient this is.  The subject of the Huffington Post piece linked above was in a bar, but that just made it even easier.  What if you are on the subway?  One little spritz of the newly approved aerosol Versed could make them go with you while you rob them.  They can take pictures of the victim "cooperating" with the thug, cleaning his/her own bank account out.  The bank will have the film on file.  PROVE that you didn't mean to give said thugs all of your money! 

Whoever heard about a zombie drug?  Versed is the best kept secret out there.  I never knew about Versed until AFTER my incident.  Even then I was in a total state of shock about the supposed amnesia, which I never got.  I was originally upset over the OBEDIENCE with people who were bad mouthing me, insulting me and doing everything I had FORBIDDEN! 

I sympathize with the victim in this case.  I'd love to know which of the date rape drugs he was given. 

Abject, Craven OBEDIENCE!

I have mentioned that Versed is a patient control drug.  I'm talking about complete, immediate, zombie style obedience.  As in obeying against my will.  Total humiliation.  Total stripping of my free will type obedience.  Of course one of the guys from http://www.nurse-anesthesia.org/ took great exception to this statement even though he LOVES giving Versed and in his own words gets "heavy handed" with the it, knowing full well about the Versed obedience.  Most people have amnesia of the events transpiring after Versed injection and can't remember what a craven, slavering, obedient DOG they were with Versed in their bloodstream.  It is TRUE that people injected with Versed become docile and agreeable to anything that the crna or other wants them to do.  Medical people KNOW THIS!   Why would they deny it?  They talk about "cooperative" patients, what does that mean then?  Here then is yet another person who was shocked and appalled by their total obedience, even though they were in great pain.   Am *I* the only person who thinks that this kind of personality annihilation can create PTSD?

Here's a quote from the post, snagged from http://www.askapatient.com/
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"My first memory is the dentist pulling on my teeth, me being in excruciating pain and him telling me to open my mouth wider. Despite the terrible pain, I could not resist opening my mouth as wide as I possibly could and then apologizing for not doing it properly. Long story short, I remember 3/4 teeth being removed in vivid detail. The pain, the crunching, the blood, I remember 10% of the entire procedure, and how painful it was"
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"My first memory is the dentist pulling on my teeth, me being in excruciating pain and him telling me to open my mouth wider.  Despite the terrible pain, I could not resist opening my mouth as wide as I possibly could and then apologizing for not doing it properly."  How would you like it if you remembered doing things like this?  It isn't funny.  It's shameful.  How despicable for medical people to force us into this kind of behavior! 
PS Thanks Glenn for helping me with tech support!